Japan is definitely testing my optimism. Last weekend on Saturday I decided to go on a really long bike ride to explore. Find new places to go, possibly some nightlife bars or something to hit up. I found this AMAZING park. Its in a reviene (how the hell do you spell that word??) along a stream. Just a long streatch of a track/field for people to go run or play some kind of sport (most likely soccer.) I brought a blanket with me on this bike ride because I wanted to find a new park where I could sprawl out in the sun and listen to music. Or write. Or just think about some of these amazing experiences. I wanted to read but all my books are on my computer and there's nothing here to read in english. : ( So I'm laying there looking at the stream. Looking at these beautiful clouds surrounded by a crisp blue and a deep blue line of jagged mountains encirling me. Keeping the transition from earth to sky a very well known one. Saturday was gorgeous. I decided to keep riding. I found downtown Kofu which is awesome. so much to do here. This is where we went for our kindergarten welcoming party the weekend before and that restaurant was SOO nice. I loved everything about it. The traditional sit on the floor style (not literally the floor but these built in booths on the floor) the japanese dividers with paper windowed in. The food was amazing, I tried so many new things ("Eww they have horse!!" - Nalette haha we didnt try horse dont worry... but they had it!) But anyway I'm riding around downtown Kofu when I get hit by a car. : ( I'm laying in the street a little baffled at what just happened. This car came out so fast i didn't have any time to react. I see that there are cars at a stoplight coming at me so i jump up and move my bike. This woman still hasnt come out of her car yet. haha I wonder if she was going to try to drive away but I was right in her way. Maybe she was just gathering her composure I don't know. But after a minute she jumps out "Daijōbu? Daijōbu?" I'm so annoyed. My bike is still half way in the street and she's not helping me move it to the side walk or anything.. she's just in my way. And I can't understand whatever she's talking at me frantically. Spastically. Saying it over and over. "I only know English." As I gently move her out of my way. Put the bike back on the sidewalk. I'm rubbing my knee because thats the only thing that hurts. Fuck my life. Seriously. I'm sooo pissed off. I was having a good day after a morning of painful homesickness. I feel like everytime I pick myself up and get happy again someone throws something else at me. Last year I came up with this theory about life. haha Not a serious one but something I though was amusing. The universe is so vast I dont rule out the idea of intelligence out there. I definitely wouldn't be surprised if there's a species out there WAYYY more intelligent than our own. And maybe they just watch us out of curiosity. I used to be so lucky and I thought maybe these "aliens" have favorite people. Maybe if you lead an interesting life that they enjoy watching they throw good things at you so they have an even better time watching you. Funny eh? Next time you find a $20 bill on the ground thank our extra terrestrial neighbors because they were curious about what you'd spend it on. ; ) Wellllll my friends definitely are pissed about my decision to move to Japan "You think you're going to have a good time in Japan eh? Well we want you back in America. Here's an earthquake and tsunami. Some radiation! THE FLU. No not enough? Ok have this 50 year old Japanese woman hit her with a car." Well I've bounced back from my last Saturday mishap! bring it.
No but back to the accident. I'm rubbing my knee walking on it, making sure I'm ok. She's still talking at me frantically trying to bend my bike basket into the shape of a basket. When the basket looks more like a basket and she can't bend it anymore she turns her attention to me. To my knee which I'm obviously putting all my attention into. She hit me straight on my right and my left knee hit the road. I want to say I'm lucky because this whole incident could have been way worse. Those cars who were stopped at that stoplight... if they weren't... My knee was fine it felt slightly bruised. I wasn't even limping. My new pants weren't even ripped. They're bright too. HOW DID YOU NOT SEE ME YOU STUPID WOMAN? Now I turn my attention to my bike. Which is the second priority to my body. Right? Uhhh lady, if my knee was cracked I could care less what shape the fucking basket was in. You could have made it into a panda and I would still sue you. She was acting like if the bike was fine no one would know or something. "Hospital?" She says this looking at me concerned. I understand what she must be feeling too. Hitting anyone with a car... thats going to emit some universal emotions. I'm being a bitch writing things like "stupid woman" and stuff because she was obviously concerned... but I was REALLY pissed off obviously. I decline on the hospital. My knee is fine and I REALLY don't want to spend the rest of my weekend dealing with this. A Japanese guy on a bike rode over and told her she needed to move her car off the sidewalk. She left it in the sidewalk she just plowed me off of. He stayed there. So there was a witness. The bike is fine. The basket was the main victim in the accident. She backs her car up a little bit and is about to jump out when the guy yells at her in japanese. He's telling her to park it propperly. So she's pulling around back into her parking spot. I take a little ride on my bike. Completely fine. Seriously LUCK. I'm amazed at how lucky I am for not getting seriously hurt. Unlucky it happened at all. But whatever. I debate one last time whether or not to call melony. But decide against it. I'm fine the bikes basket just needs to be hammered out in one spot and I can forget this ever happened. Which is what I want. I don't want police to come, bureaucracy. I don't want any of it. I wave the woman off. She still looks worried, concerned, scared. I decide to end my day here. I don't want to explore anymore. I don't want to be here at all.
My knees mildly sore as I ride home. An uncomfortable reminder of what just happened. Of how it could have been worse. I can't even control it. Tears are flying off my face. I feel a pitty party for myself. How I want to be among friends and family. How I'm riding home on this route that I concentrated so hard on. Every turn I had to make mental images of what was around. Because I can't read anything. Because the way they label there streets are stupid and doesn't make sense. They label both dirrections with the same street name. Stupid fucking country. How do you know which road you're turnin on when you're at the corner of Alps Dori and Alps dori? I don't even want to learn your reasoning. It's moronic. I'm confused as to why I'm crying so hard because I'm not in any pain. It's like they were building up inside me. Little things that I push aside because I don't see a point on focusing on things I don't like. Things I can't change. Things that if I dwell on... well dwelling on them isn't going to do anything. Just maybe make me a little sad. They all surfaced with this collision. I think about how my life would have been if I decided to flee right after the tsunami. Where would I have gone? Denver? Asheville? Portland? L.A? I would have been in Ft. Lauderdale deciding. Saving up for whatever move. I would have felt like a child under my parents roof. A degree but still serving. Maybe I would have applied to festivals as a photographer. Traveled the U.S. doing what I love most among my closest friends. Whatever I would have done I knew that I'd always have the "What if I had stayed in Japan..." in the back of my mind. Which is inevitably why when I found out my prefecture is radiation free, I stayed. I don't want to live with that what if. No regrets Little Mesa, no regrets. I didn't stop the crying. Even though I know the Japanse people driving by all look, all curious about foreigners. (I didn't realize how much foreigners stuck out until Nori took Nalette and I downtown to get our Visa's I'm glued to the window as usual looking at everything I can and I see a foreigner riding his bike. I spot him from his back. It's SOOOO obvious. Nalette even said "Foreigner!" haha I didn't realize how much I stuck out till then.) They all saw me crying that day on my bike. I didn't care. Like I'd ever see them again anyway. I just let it come. I didn't want any of it inside me anymore. After this car accident thats it. No more pity party. So I focused on whatever I didn't like. I came to terms with all of it. And after 10 min I felt fine. A little solemn, but ok.
I decided to go into a mall. Blast my ipod. Walk around and look at what these stores had to offer.
There was a traditional Komono store. The fabrics are all silk and gorgeous. I would never want to wear a komono. They make even the prettiest women look o.k. at best. haha head to toe coverage. Not that you need to show skin to be pretty or anything. But it's just too modest. Just like this culture. WOW. the modesty. And I'm a huge fan of modesty. Arrogance is my biggest turn off. But this culture... its kind of ironic actually. I came here to focus on some of my faults that I didn't like and try to make them better. (One of my many reasons for coming out here actually) But I've never understood why I can be so insecure and apologetic. It annoys me. Why can't I think I'm awesome and come to terms with little things I do instead of dwell on them and think bad things about myself? I know most people dont do this and I HATE that I do. But its really ironic because this culture is a very insecure and apologetic culture. Seriously "Sumimasen" Which means "pardon me" is used all the time. Or "Gomen'nasai" 'I'm sorry" Is used before things that you would never be sorry for in the U.S. Pretty funny that what I'm working on here is the norm. Anyway, Komonos aren't something worn all the time or anything. Just really special occasions. Like the graduation two weeks ago. Our principal and one of the kindergartners graduating both wore them. It's awesome to see in person the perfect drapery of these fabrics. But I'm looking at these fabrics in the store and the pictures that customers must have given to the store of themselves all dolled up in these komonos. So strange. I start to leave when I see four employees shining at me. Seriously. Smiling so big staring at me. Waving talking really kind tones of Japanese at me. They probably aren't used to a foreigner in their store. I wave and smile back really big. A genuine smile too. After all that stress this kindness is really appreciated.
Nalette and Megumi wanted to hang out that night which by the time I got home and ate dinner I really wasn't feeling up to doing anything. I wanted to wallow and watch t.v. haha. How depressing on a saturday night huh? But when they called and I told them what happened they insisted on coming over to check on me. So nice. So they came over and I explained what happened and how the woman just kept saying one phrase over and over to me. But I didn't know what it was. "ummm Daijōbu? Daijōbu?" Megumi did it with the same concern and everything. "YES! That was it!" "She was asking if you were Ok." "ahh makes sense." They were really concerned even after I kept saying I was fine. We all were contemplative on whether I should tell Melony. But in the end we decided I should on Monday. Just to let her know. When I did she was surprised I didn't just call her. "I REALLY appreciate your independent onward thinking but really if anything like that happens again don't hesitate to call. What if your knee ends up swelling up or something? We have no way of getting a hold of that woman and you'd have to pay for it." I knew this. Thats why I made sure I moved my knee in all directions, really if I felt any kind of sharp pain I wouldn't have hesitated.... but I guess I should have just to be sure. Whatever it's been a week now and I'm ok.
Megumi and Nalette hung out for a bit that night. And the next day Nalette and I hung out with Rachael and Joji (rachael's French/Japanese boyfriend) We went to this AMAZING pie bakery. The inside was Sooo adorable like a french cafe almost, with dainty things all over. Audry Hepburn Pictures scattered. For lunch they have different flavored quiches and it comes with a salad that changes daily and your choice of coffee and tea. Then you have fresh pie for dessert. This was GREAT. Its so close to my new apartment too! (I moved this week. I'll post pictures of my apartment soon... AHHH I'm obsessed with it. It's so big and cozy. I LOVE IT. And all the doors are sliding doors. Just like I had seen in pictures of Japan in the states.) When Ryan and Lindsey come in June we are definitely doing brunch here. Because I know they'll love it as much as I do. That night Nalette and I hung out with Carolina and Diana and Tuere. hehe girls night was awesome. Some guy talk. haha not that we're all like boy crazy or anything but when you work non stop with women and any interaction with Japanese guys is pretty... uhhh non existent... Well we're going to talk. Nalette was talking about her disappointment in lack of hot foreigner guys. Diana and Tuere laughed "umm stereotypes of foreign guys that come to Japan: A. Anime/video game/technology geeks. B. Guys that have fantasies of asain girls. C. Guys that can't get with girls in their own countries and know that Japanese girls LOVE foreigners." Couldn't have said it better myself. But Nalette's been to a foreigner bar in Tokyo and said she wants to go back because she scoped out some guys there. Nalette and Carolina don't find any Japanese attractive because most are so thin. They'd feel bigger or something.
Though Carolina told Diana "Something ALMOST happened yesterday at the club."
Diana-"NO WAYYYY WHAT?"
Tuerre cracking up "UHH no. Nothing almost happened yesterday. There was a really hot, built Japanese-Brazilian guy with a mohawk that Carolina saw and I asked if she wanted to go talk to him and she said 'NOooooo Look at what I'm wearing'"
"WE WEREN'T DRESSED TO GO TO A CLUB.... ALL OF THOSE GIRLS WERE DRESSED UP IN BOOTY SKIRTS/SHORTS AND HEALS... I was in sneakers he would have felt awkward."
"He wouldn't have cared. And if he did then whatever, a guy who likes you when you aren't dolled up is a guy worth having."
I agreed with Tuerre "yeah you aren't always going to be in heels and makeup huh?"
Diana's been dating a japanese guy for eight months. Tuerre and Diana turned their attention to me "You have yellow fever?" "Uhh..." I'm going through things I've heard here trying to think what the heck this is. "What's that?" They all crack up.... I'm thinking about what this possibly could be. "You into asains?" Ohhhhhhh "Umm I've definitely seen attractive guys out here. Which I wasn't expecting, I wasn't really attracted to any of the asains I had met in the states. But I don't know... its not like I can speak to any of them anyway. Its not my main objective." They all seem smitten with the idea of trying to set me up or something... which I'm not into at all. What an awkward way to meet someone, I'm a big girl I can speak for myself. ; ) I'm already really smitten anyway.
But Tuerre and I talked for a long time that sunday. She's AWESOME. She's met so many friend out here. She told me how to use the train bus system to get to my festival I want to go to in May. She also went to a lot of Reggae shows in Tokyo which I'm SOO down to do. I love some good reggae. And since she's from Jamaica she KNOWS good reggae. She told me about this penis festival thats held outside of Tokyo every year. "Seriously it's worth going to." She showed me this website for it and it looks RIDICULOUS. Its a celebration of the penis. For all ages. People wearing penis hats. Penis decorations EVERYWHERE. People walking around sucking on lolipops shaped as vaginas and penis's. I'm going to have to make a whole post dedicated to sexuality in Japan because it's SOOO different than what Americans are used to. This penis festival would be for like dominatrix freaks or something in the U.S. but here it's like a celebration of fertility and they aren't embarrassed of it. They even have their young embrace it. Google Japan penis festival and you can see pictures of this crazy thing.
She told me about this website specifically for foreigners in Japan you sign up and they have events like three times a month you can go to if you want. So I'm going to sign up. But tonight she's having a goodbye party that Nalette, Megumi, Yoko, Mariko and I are going to. And all of Tuerre's friends she's made out here. Which is a lot. I'm excited to go and branch out. Come get some Elise love please! I want more friends than just people I work with. I love all the people I work with but I know spending ALLL my time with them is going to be annoying eventually. Ohhh Nalette said a friend she made in February is going paragliding sometime this month. So I think I'm going to go paragliding!! Heckkkk yeah.
Oh and one of my favorite artists in America Zach Deputy contacted me on facebook asking for some of my bear creek pictures for this band advertising thing. : )!! YESSSS. I love positive feedback on my work. ESPECIALLY from artists I love and care about. So much love.
Umm I know I started this post all negative. I just wanted to emit the feelings I had last Saturday. It's been really good since then. Nalette said "Bad things come in threes so you've had your three, from here on out you're in the clear." I hope she's right. I'm just proud of my unwavering optimism. I just really hope its not tested anymore. : ( I've gone through waves of depression in the states a couple years ago and DON'T want one to come out here. I'm going to go finish unpacking my stuff. My Saturday: Skype dates, writing this blog, unpack, hoop, bike downtown with nalette and explore. Then party with some new peeps. My Sunday: I'm going to bike into the mountains. Before Rachael left I told her I wanted to bike into the mountains and she said I should I'm going to see Monkeys!!! AHHHHHh hehe. So yeah My sunday is devoted to me time and my photography. I also have this awesome Little Mesa Japan logo idea I'm going to make. Lovely weekend ahead of me.
I'm never going to forget what daijōbu means. It's instilled in me now.
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